Monday, June 14, 2004


I smell Emmy

All love to The Shield, which has had a masterful third season and sentimentally, Angel's swan song was bitter but sweet...but the best show this year has been HBO's Deadwood. If you don't get HBO, you can be forgiven for having missed it. If you DO get HBO and just chose not watch the show, the hell were you thinking? The Sopranos can take a long trip off a short Jersey pier: their season couldn't have been more listless but Deadwood has shown that HBO is still consistently killing network television in terms of inventiveness and quality. But whatever, blah blah blah, the show is kick ass, rent the DVD for Season 1 when it drops. Let me just get to what I really want to talk about:

Ian McShane: The most compelling SOB to grace the TV screen (if not ever, then at least in recent memory). What's interesting about the evolution of his character Al Swearengen is that he started out as unabashedly evil but as the season has progressed, Swearengen hasn't gotten that much nicer but he's such an embodiment of Machiavellian perfection that you just have to marvel at it. He's not without his complexities; he's barely masking a Napolean complex of epic proportions, but he elevates cutthroat, backstabbing treachery into an artform (Karl Rove ain't nothing on him). Plus, compared to that two-faced dandy bastard Tolliver, Swearengen is just about the most charming guy you'll meet.

Seth Bullock: Dude's got anger issues that make Tony Soprano look like he's freebasing prozac. And frankly, his character has gotten less interesting as the season progresses as his rage-a-holic side emerges. BUT, no one walks across the street with more of a mean-mugging, don't-even-think-of-fucking-with-me focus. Plus, he's singlehandedly bringing back the whole 3-piece suit with hat and boots look (but only if you have a big mustache).

Calamity Jane: Hey! What happened to her? She's the best female character on there (no offense to Alma, Trixie or Joanie but ya'll ain't got dick on Jane) but she's disappeared the last few episodes. What gives?

E.B. Farnum: The new golden standard in snivelling worm. God bless him.

Doc Cochran: Sure, he's drunk half the time but doc has heart.

Jewel: Who knew that, after all these years, Geri Jewell would have a tv career again. No sarcasm here, I'm really happy to see Cousin Geri back in action, MS and all.

Mr. Wu: For real though, how come Keane Young doesn't get cast credit at HBO? Can a celestial not eat up in here? Who else you gonna call when you need some bodies turned into pork fodder? Mr Wu! That's who. (It's nice to see a tv show that doesn't stereotype Chinese as laundrymen and...oh, wait. Nevermind.)

By the way, Superstar USA were Grade A wussies in the final episode. They went this far to humiliate all these folks but they don't have the guts to actually pull the trigger. Weak.

Mario is still the MFin' man though. Straight Hungian.

  • This new Ol Dirty Bastard/Macy Gray song, a cover of Elton John and Kiki Dee's hit duet "Don't Go Breaking My Heart," is so unbelievably bad, is such unfathomable dreck, is so remarkably horrid that 1) it must either be a brilliant joke that Roc-A-Fella is perpetuating on the world or 2) proof that Jay Z is a goddamn genius for selling his share of the label to Dame and signing to Aftermath.

    I previously thought that ODB could go no lower than that bullshit "Ghetto Superstar" he did with Pras and Mya (seriously, how much worse can you get than doing a hip-hop cover of "Islands in the Stream" but clearly, Big Baby Jesus found a new level of badness to plumb. The thing is...the song's so bad, it's good. Instant classic good. Years from now, this will find its way onto a random mix-iRioNokiaPodDVD and people will marvel at the sheer wackness of it, as if the song was recorded while Venus was in alignment with Jupiter's 3rd moon. Or maybe it's just that Dirty fell off the wagon and took Macy with him. Whatever's clever.

  • Last time it the Exorcist. This time around, it's The Titanic in 30 seconds. Performed by bunnies.

  • Sometimes, you can't invent a story this good.
    (credit: Intellectual Hip Hop Commentary)

  • My man Jon C can't be stopped. Here's his review of the recent NYC Summer Jam. You can't mess with a line like this: "Mid-bill snoozer Alicia Keys, taking an L in exchange for a street-cred re-up, put zero and zero together and realized her 30 minutes were less well served as an opportunity for snack service than as a view to the ill."

  • What? The Source in trouble? Imagine that.

  • Milk-snortingingly funny review of the new Harry Potter film (no spoilers) by Junichi Semitsu.