Sunday, June 20, 2004

IN-IN-IN-INVASIAN!

If you're not Asian and don't spend a lot of time around my peoples, just feel free to skip this post and go down to read about The Beastie Boys. For everyone else...

Spotten at Angry Asian Man.

Are You Down?
The Code for Being a Young AA/APA/APIA/AAPI Activist

By Minnie Yuen '04, Margot Seeto '04, and Lisa Wong Macabasco UC Berkeley '03

One point for each question answered in the affirmative.

1. You own a BlackLava t-shirt. (+1 if you have the V. Chin shirt, +2 if you wear it to Asian American events.)
F*ck Blacklava - I'm so old school, I have Ford Hatamiya t-shirts - what ya'll know about that? Still, technically, I guess I get a zero here.

2. You own a spoken word CD.
Guilty. I own several.

3. You are or once were a spoken word artist. (+1 If you performed in a skinny scarf and spaghetti strap tank top.)
Definitely NOT guilty

4. You hate Abercrombie & Fitch and dog on Asian Americans who wear it, even if they bought it pre-boycott.
Word

5. You think Yuri Kochiyama is totally rad!
Absolutely.

6. You own an autographed copy of "Better Luck Tomorrow." (+1 If you were on the street team for BLT.)
Alas, no. I interviewed Justin Lin about four times though - does that count?

7. You have a poster of one or both of the following: 1. Che 2. Malcolm.
No poster, but I once had Malcolm as my computer screen background, I think that should count.

8. You HELLA think that San Francisco is the center of the universe and the APA Movement.
But of course it is

9. You dyed your hair bright red at one point.
Yeah, right

10. You protest the Euro-centric, hegemonic, patriarchal, heterocentric, capitalist petty bourgeoisie of THE MAN.
Yeah, right on!

11. You are a "brother" or "sister" of the "The People's Movement."
I always felt that shit sounded funny, so no

12. Instead of saying "goodbye," you say "peace".
No dizzile

13. You have a Xanga, are on Friendster, and were a part of Asian Avenue.
Ha, two out of three but I'm not down with Xanga.

14. You write your Friendster testimonials in Spoken Word verse.
Wait...people do this?

15. You AIM name includes the words "Angry" or "Asian" or "Yellow Brown Power."
No, No and No

16. If you wear glasses, they must be the thick, plastic, black rimmed glasses to show the world how intellectual you really are.
Hey, wait, I just like how they looked! I wasn't trying to make a statement...damnit.

17. You are an APA conference whore.
More like a pimp

18. You cried the first time you heard "I Was Born with Two Tongues". (+1 If you actually cried and not just claimed you cried.)
Love 'em but no tears shed

19. You majored in, minored in, or helped start Asian American Studies at your school.
Most definitely guilty as charged

20. You only listen to hip hop and only really enjoy Talib Kweli or Dead Prez.
Hell yeah...or uh, hell no.

21. You have read one, part or all of the following: The Autobiography of Malcolm X, Fast Food Nation, Stupid White Men, or anything by bell hooks.
Yes, yes, no, yes.

22. You're so underground, you're f****** magma.
See, I'm not the only one to self-censor! And I don't even know how to answer this. I never thought of myself as molten

23. As you chain smoke, you intellectualize how nicotine is the tool of THE MAN.
No cancer sticks in my past or present

24. Every time you watch TV or movies, your Asian-dar kicks in. ("Look! Asian woman's arm in the back! WHAT WHAT!")
Absolutely

25. You mad dog Asian women with White boyfriends (minus 1 if you've ever had a White boyfriend; minus another 1 if you actually admit you had a White boyfriend, but you swear it was when you were really young and before you became down).
More or less, yes. Though isn't this question kind of skewed since what happens if you've had a White girlfriend?

26. You hate on AZN Asians as much as White people, if not more.
Oooooh...that's tough. I'd have to say no but only by the slimmest of margins. AZNs are annoying but c'mon, they're not THE MAN

27. You hate on Asian fraternities or sororities, but used to go those parties before you were down (minus one if you ever pledged an Asian sorority, minus two if you were a Little Sis).
Hate 'em but didn't go to their parties

If you scored 21 or more:
Congratulations, Poster Child de La Revolucion. You're so down, you're abajo. After finishing your manifesto and reaping vegetables in your biosphere, we'll see you at ECAASU 2005, fool. Paz.

11 - 20:
Poseur. What's up, poser? Put down that copy of Audrey and read Asian Americans: The Movement and the Moment already. Practice raising your fist and looking hard in the mirror when no one's looking.

0 - 10:
You're a tool of THE MAN. Proceed immediately to San Francisco and get a picket sign already.
I scored a 13 and I'm not sure if I feel good or bad about that. Maybe it's a good thing that I didn't score higher since, frankly, I couldn't stand a lot of API activists in my undergraduate days and I still find some of them to be almost as annoying as AZNs.