DULL

the face of evil?
My afternoon excursion out to see Blade: Trinity was a waste of a perfectly good matinee since this vampire film...well...(drum roll please): sucked (cue laugh track). I know some out there will say, "duh, what did you expect," but seriously, the first two films in the series were well-nigh entertaining, featuring fanciful characters, hardnosed dialogue sprinkled liberally with profanity, and surprisingly awesome action choreography. Especially compared to two other recent vampire flicks, Underworld and Van Helsing, the first two Blades look positively genius (and as bad as the third film was, it was still better than those two sorry ass competitors).

What's wrong with Trinity is basically everything: script, dialogue, character development, action sequences, plot, blah blah blah. They go through all the trouble to resurrect Dracula, who you'd think would make a vaguely interesting villain, and he's shown up by a vampire Pomeranian. Yeah, you heard me: they have vampiric canines in Trinity and the Pom is, by far, the most charismatic of the lot. The lone exception is the movie's most stunning casting choice: Parker Posey who shows up as one of the main baddies.

This requires a short pause to drink it in: Parker Posey = killer vampiress. If that doesn't quite gel for you, Posey doesn't exactly convince you otherwise. It's not that I didn't like to see her play a laughable character outside of a Christopher Guest mockumentary, but every moment you see her, you can't help but think: "oh, that's Parker Posey." All she really needed was some gum to chew on and it would have been perfect.

I still have Oceans 12 on my list of matinee films. Should I even bother?