KEEPING IT REEL

Puffy bucks high fashion and wears a tuxedo t-shirt instead.

Without repeating O-Dub's comments below or the comments to his comments, here are a few of my thoughts on last night's Academy Awards:

• Billy Bush. Who gave this douchebag a job? I know we live in a country bloated with nepotism under the rule of the Bush dynasty, but I still don't understand how this smarmy, cousin-of-the-president was picked to interview stars on the red carpet.
  

• Speaking of Bush: On the red carpet, Chris Connelly told Don Cheadle that Hotel Rwanda is the kind of movie "that can change public policy." The good news is that President Bush saw the movie and is a big fan of Hotel Rwanda. The bad news is that the Prez probably didn't realize that Hotel Rwanda was based on a true story and it never occurred to him that he has the power to stop other forms of genocide in Africa.
  

• What's with the men with dark hair and abnormally fake tans? Mike Myers and Orlando Bloom could've convinced me that they were Latino.

• As a disclaimer, I think it's unfair how much pressure women have to look thin, young, busty, gorgeous, and glamorous, while showing off half their skin -- while men like Ethan Hawke can show up with bed-head and nobody cares. That said, at first glance, I reluctantly admit that I thought Hilary Swank borrowed Apollo Ohno's speed-skating uniform from the Winter Olympics.
  

• Is that Prince's old symbol on Johnny Depp's quasi-ascot?
  

• I think it's great that Beyonce, while singing the song from "The Chorus," invited all the local movie theater ushers and Panda Express workers to sing with her. (Partial credit to Hank for that observation.)
  

• There is no doubt that the Counting Crows is the worst band in the world. I started missing Rob Lowe and Snow White a few bars into that wretched song.

• I think Chris Rock is the greatest living comedian, but his overall performance was disappointing. The monologue lacked the bite that he brought to the MTV Video Awards a few years back. His best line probably was about Gwyneth breastfeeding an apple, and I question whether he wrote that line. I wish he was a bit more spontaneous.

• Did you hear Bill Condi and his orchestra butcher "Georgia on my Mind" with their Safeway/dentist muzak version while Jamie Foxx walked to the stage? I haven't heard such a vapid soulless rendition of a soul song since Soul Asylum covered Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing." That almost beat out the Counting Crows for worst music of the night.
  

• How sad was it when Jamie Foxx talked about black empowerment and only Oprah raised her fist while nobody else responded?
  

• I did reasonably well in my predictions, but I didn't pick Cate Blanchett or Clint for director, which cost me.
  

• Did anybody catch the Barbara Walters special where she asked Jamie Foxx, "how do you keep it real?" To make matters worse, since some of Ms. Walters' R's sound like W's, I heard, "how do you keep it weal?" Most disturbing of all, Jamie Foxx also talked about his love for bigger, "plump," voluptuous women and Barbara Walters started responding as if he was hitting on her. I need therapy more than ever.

• Finally, here is the acceptance speech that Morgan Freeman should have given:

Tonight, I don't just deserve a Best Supporting Oscar. I deserve a Lifetime Achievement ... for supporting all you white people in Hollywood. I supported Jim Carrey in Bruce Almighty. I supported Renee Zellwegger in Nurse Betty . I supported Tim Robbins in Shawshank. I supported Ashley Judd's entire career. I should've been the most important character in Glory and Amistad, but my part took second fiddle to some other white character. I've supported Robin Hood and Dirty Harry while driving that wrinkled colostomy bag, Miss Daisy. My voice is hoarse from having to always narrate all of y'all's stories. From now on, you Caucasoids better start supporting my black ass.