POP LIFE @ THE OSCARS (LIVE)

5:30pm - Opening monta...snooooore. Wait, is that Eminem playing throughout? Damn.

5:35pm - Chris Rock gets a standing (partial) ovation? Word?
Not the raciest monologue he's ever done but hey, he's making 'Pac and Ja Rule jokes. I'm with that.

And who thought we'd ever hear the word Pootie Tang at the Oscars?

(IM from Hua: "I wish this whole show was just him, without the awards")

5:44pm - Finally, the Oscars meet Survivor. "Who'll get voted off the podium?!"

5:47pm - Renee just wants to prove she can lose whatever she gains. Plus, her dress is made from Swiffer material so she's helping dust the stage.

5:50pm - Alright, Morgan! (But what's up with the Star Trek theme?)

5:57pm - I really like Robin Williams but doesn't he do the same schtick every year? I know I've seen this exact same monologue before.

6:01pm - On one hand, they're not on stage. On the other hand, they got stuck at the back of the room. Hmm...

6:03pm - Just when she couldn't get any hotter, as it turns out, Beyonce can sing in French. Jay Z = one lucky bastard.

6:10pm - Chris Rock visiting the Magic Johnson Theaters is so incredibly GENIUS. With a Martin Lawrence cameo to boot (oh yeah, Albert Brooks too).

6:15pm - Edna Mode = awesome. She's got more personality in her left pinkie than the whole cast of Shrek 2.

6:16pm - Sharon points out that these new ways of bringing up the nominees sets up a hierarchy: "They wouldn't do this for Best Actor." True that.

6:21pm - Madsen was robbed (but I can't be mad at Blanchett. She's got so much style).

6:26pm - Of all the past MCs they could get to comment on Johnny, it's Whoopi? Was Billy Crystal busy? Letterman? Hello?!

6:30pm - Spurluck goes down! Still, he's crying all the way to the bank.

6:35pm - Adam Duritz and Sideshow Bob, separated at birth? And I really hope "I Love Scarlett" isn't referring to Johannsen. I don't get her appeal at all (or Kirsten Dunst for that matter). Quips Sharon on Dunst's appearance tonight, "she looks like a drag queen."

6:43pm - Wow, that Sandler/Rock skit was very, very, very painful.

6:44pm - Ah, the only award Sideways is likely to win this evening. Dull acceptance speech though.

6:46pm - Zizi Yang? WTF?

7:27pm - What, no Beyonce? Shame on Carlos and Antonio.

Hua, on Antonio: "I was going to say I didn't know he could sing, but I guess he actually can't."

7:36pm - Ha, the director got shafted because the producer wouldn't shut up. How apt.

7:50pm - Marlon Brando wins the death-applause-o-meter, hands down.

7:55pm - How did P. Diddy get a ticket to the stage? Man, Chris Rock has pull!

7:56pm - B is back...with Josh Groban? I don't get his appeal at all. Is he like the John Mayer for the classical pop set?

Hua: "You know Jigga is just sitting there thinking, 'When I was moving weight state-to-state in a rental, I never thought I'd be sitting here in a tux watching my hot-ass supermodel girlfriend sing some corny-ass showtune with Josh Groban.'"

7:58pm - Prince is short. But young looking. Does he use Pearl Cream?

8:08pm - Can someone please find Sean Penn's sense of humor? What a dour dude.

8:10pm - Listen Hillary - the "I'm just a girl from a trailer park" routine could have worked during your FIRST Oscar, but it's a little melodramatic now, a'ight? You should have gone with the "you really like me!" route.

8:20pm - Kaufman! Funny, Nic Cage doesn't really look like him.

8:26pm - Jamie! And peep out Oprah's black power salute! And check out Melvin Van Peebles, looking all spank.

Jamie is going to be so goddamn huge now. HUGE. I just hope he doesn't pull a Kanye.

8:34pm - Whoa, Clint Eastwood's mom is still living? Like whoa.

8:40pm - Brooklyn in the house!

So... all in all, this was kind of boring. I had a lot more fun watching 3 years back when Halle and Denzel won. That was special but I guess it also makes Jamie and Morgan winning this year less dramatic. Which is progress I suppose.

By the way, memo to ABC - Blind Justice looks T E R R I B L E. Absolutely wack.