POT-SMOKING PRESIDENTS' DAY WEEKEND WRAP-UP

Actual Ad

• The AARP hates the troops and loves sodomy! The Swift Boat Republicans are now trying to mislead Americans into supporting Bush's plan to dismantle social security by arguing that the AARP is anti-military and pro-gay marriage. (See above ad.) Why is the left not making similarly-unsubstantiated, misleading, scare-tactic ads? (Credit: DailyKos)

We need to steal from the playbook of these homophobic fear-mongerers until the Republicans are no longer in control of everything. To demonstrate, I put this ad together that clearly demonstrates that the GOP is anti-puppy and favors drinking wombat-smoothies. Feel free to spread it.

• Bush Smokes Pot! Dear Mr. Conservative Republican: If you were morally outraged that Bill Clinton (i) smoked pot, (ii) had shady financial business dealings with Whitewater, and (iii) lied about a blowjob, then why are you not similarly upset that George W. Bush (i) snorted cocaine, (ii) had shady financial business dealings with Halliburton, (iii) lied about our need to go to war against Iraq, (iv) gave White House insider press coverage to a pimp and porn peddler, and now, (v) covered up the fact that he smoked pot. (An aside: I love the fact that the name of the guy who secretly taped the conversation with George W. Bush is "Mr. Wead.")

• Youth Support Less Speech! I know we stopped enforcing the Constitution, but when did we stop teaching it? Apparently, only half of all American high school students today believe that newspapers should be allowed to publish freely without government approval. One in three thinks the First Amendment goes too far! I believe the children are our future, but we need to teach them better before we let them lead the way.

• Nude Dining! NY restaurant now offering clothing-optional night for nudists. My favorite man interviewed is the guy from MAN -- a.k.a. Males Au Naturel -- who is a retired junior high school English teacher wearing a genital bracelet adorned with red studs.

• Pinot noir sales skyrocket after movie "Sideways." On the other hand,"Aviator" fails to send sales of hand wipes upward.

• Note to all current and future American Idol contestants: stay away from Stevie Wonder songs. For your own benefit, don't attempt it. Please. You're making Songs in the Key of Life sound like Songs in the Key of Death. (And not that I care, but after watching two episodes, I would send my vote to Scott Savol.)

• Can anybody beat Party Ben in terms of his portfolio of brilliant mashups?

• And finally, in the "you've gotta be kidding me" department, this is what Whoopie Goldberg said about the Academy's decision to have Chris Rock host this year's Oscars:

"He's probably the best idea they've had since me."