WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH KANSAS' ATTORNEY GENERAL?

If you have a vagina, I command you to obey me!

FROM THE DESK OF
THE OFFICE OF KANSAS ATTORNEY GENERAL PHILL KLINE

February 25, 2005

Dear Ladies (and Girls):

Attention! My name is Kansas Attorney General Phill Kline.

If you have ever had a late-term abortion, I will soon be obtaining your complete, unredacted medical files in order to criminally prosecute you (and maybe your doctor, too).

This started as a secret fishing expedition, but now the commies at the New York Times have made public the news of my doing God's work.

So you might as well surrender to your nearest police station, in order to help save time and tax dollars.

I have a judge's subpoena in my deep Republican pocket, so resistance is futile.

What's that? You thought you had a right of privacy and doctor-patient confidentiality? No, actually, you don't because I wiped my Topeka cornhole with your constitutional rights.

I am very aggressive about this because I'm still pissed off about last year when I tried to require our state's health workers to tell me about any sexual activity of girls younger than 16. Sadly, a bunch of heathen and hell-bound health workers filed an injunction. (That would've been so hot to hear about, too!)

By the way, next year, if all goes well, I will be installing surveillance cameras in everybody's vagina and anus.

You can contact me here if you have any questions about my reproductive crackdown or my impending vibrators-for-bibles exchange program.

Thank you for your time and prayers.

Hugs,

Phill Kline
Kansas Attorney General
120 SW 10th Ave., 2nd Floor
Topeka, KS 66612-1597
(785) 296-2215
(785) 296-6296 Fax